


The Avengers go to the Zoo

by hquinzelle



Series: Darcy Lewis, Avengers PR Rep [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bruce gives treats and plays ball, Clint doesn't like Hawks, Darcy feels like a kindergarden teacher, Eagles can be fangirls too, F/M, Lions have majestic hair, Loki Does What He Wants, Loki lives up to his title as God of Mischief, Monkeys are creepy, Mostly fluff but with a tiny bit of angst, Peacocks strut, Zoo animals and Avengers may or may not be a good thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-26
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-01-17 02:00:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1369765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hquinzelle/pseuds/hquinzelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy is the PR rep for the the Avengers, arranging for the superheroes - including their resident semi-reformed ex-supervillain, Loki - to attend various charity events, interviews, photo shoots, etc.  Tonight's event was a combined charity event/photo shoot at the Bronx Zoo, where each Avenger will mingle with the attendees and pose with an animal for a magazine photo shoot.  </p><p>There will be a prologue, a chapter for each Avenger and their animal, and finally, a wrap-up.</p><p>Tony - peacock<br/>Thor - lion<br/>Steve - bald eagle<br/>Clint - hawk<br/>Bruce - elephant<br/>Natasha - black spider monkey<br/>Loki - it's a surprise!<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Don't Get Paid Enough for This

**Author's Note:**

> This plot bunny bit me while I was watching Muppets Most Wanted (don't ask). Although I did look up information on the Bronx Zoo on their website, I have never been there, and for the sake of the story I took some creative liberties with the layout of the zoo, the animals that are there (although most of the animals in this story are), etc.

Darcy could feel a dull ache forming behind her eyes, and they hadn’t even gotten to the event yet.

She was the PR representative for the Avengers, and as such, she arranged “meet and greets” on a regular basis – events benefiting various charities where the Avengers would show up, take pictures, mingle, and then leave before anything catastrophic (usually involving Tony and/or Loki) could happen. The goal of the events was to show that the positive aspects of the Avengers outweighed the negative - while the majority of the world supported the Avengers, there were still plenty of people who believed they should be disbanded because they didn’t like the idea of super-powered humans/aliens, they thought the monetary costs for repairs after a battle were too high, etc.

Tonight’s event was at the Bronx Zoo. She was killing two birds with one stone (she sent a mental apology to Clint for thinking that) by combining a charity event, the proceeds of which would go to the World Wildlife Fund, with a photo shoot for Vanity Fair, who was running a piece on the Avengers in the next issue.

She had hoped they could arrive quietly and with a minimum of fanfare, but as usual when Tony Stark was involved, that was easier said than done. Tony had decided they should arrive at the zoo in style, and had hired a party bus, complete with stripper poles (which had luckily gone unused so far), a fully stocked bar, music, and a disco ball…hence, Darcy’s headache.

“Are we there yet? “ Darcy asked Loki as he sat down next to her and kissed her forehead, his magic alleviating her pain.

“Unfortunately, no,” Loki answered, looking disdainfully at the antics taking place in the back of the bus, where Tony was well on his way to getting drunk and was trying to encourage everyone else to join him.

Darcy sighed - she didn’t get paid enough for this. She had just wanted to finish her degree and go into politics, but Nick Fury had offered her twice the pay to be the PR rep for the Avengers instead. Fury had decided Darcy was the perfect candidate for the job because of her knack for organizing events and people (just look at what she had done for Jane Foster, who at one point wouldn’t have remembered to eat if Darcy hadn’t reminded her). She was also the best choice because of the rapport she had with all of the Avengers, including their sort-of-reformed ex-supervillain, Loki.

Loki, especially, needed a PR rep – managing him was practically a full-time job in itself. Loki simply didn’t care what the “insignificant mortals” thought of him, and couldn’t always be bothered to participate. When he did attend an event, he spent most of his time playing tricks on the attendees – people would trip on flat surfaces; someone would go to sit down and their chair had shifted, causing them to hit the floor; the punch would be spiked (although to be fair, that could have been Tony), etc. If it wasn’t for the fact they had been dating for the last year, which made him slightly less resistant (that and the fact she threatened he would sleep on the couch that night if he misbehaved), she was sure his behavior would have been much worse.

Darcy was pulled out of her thoughts as she felt the driver, Happy, apply the brakes as the bus pulled into the zoo parking lot.

“ALRIGHT, PEOPLE!” she shouted as the bus came to a complete stop, “Listen up!”

Tony got the hint and turned the music off, which enabled her to continue in a lower voice as she grabbed her clipboard, moved to the front of the bus, and faced the group.

“I told you earlier that we are going to be doing two things tonight – the first is mingling with the people who paid for the opportunity to be here tonight and meet all of you. It’s for a good cause, people, so be on your best behavior. That means you, Tony, and you, Loki.” Darcy said, giving the two people in question a pointed look.

“The second part,” she continued, “is a photo shoot for the spread in Vanity Fair – each of you will be taking photos with an animal in the zoo. When you get off the bus, check with me, and I will tell you what animal, where the photo shoot is at, and what time you should be there. We have a tight schedule, so be on time.” She gave Tony a pointed look again.

"Why do you always look at me when you say things like that?” Tony asked innocently.

“Gee, I wonder,” Darcy said sarcastically.

She motioned for Happy to open the bus door, then pointed towards the parking lot as she said, “Avengers, assemble!”

She snickered when everyone stopped and looked at her.

“Really, Darcy?” Clint asked.

“After you,” she answered, gesturing grandly.

Tony stepped off the bus, and cameras started flashing – the paparazzi had been waiting for them. Once the last person left - Loki, of course - Darcy took a deep breath and followed.

“Here goes nothing,” she said to herself as she prayed that the evening would go by quickly, with as little problems as possible.

Of course, with this group…especially with the combination of Tony Stark and the God of Lies, Chaos, and Mischief …that wasn’t likely.


	2. Shake Your Tail Feathers (Tony Stark)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony Stark - Peacock.

“A peacock? I feel as if I should be offended by this, Darcy,” Tony said as he walked up to Darcy where she stood by the entrance of the zoo. “What are you trying to say about me?”

“Everyone loves peacocks Tony, they’re pretty,” Darcy said distractedly as she looked at her watch.   First she’d waited for Tony to change from his tuxedo into his suit, and now she was waiting for a zookeeper to find at least one peacock – the peacocks had the run of the zoo, and it could be hard to find them at times. She hoped that they found one soon – she had a tight schedule planned to fit in all of the photo shoots tonight, and it would be time for Thor’s soon.

She could see Tony looking at her from the corner of her eye. “Stop pouting,” she said.

Her radio finally crackled and the zookeeper said, “We found a peacock and peahen by the Children’s Zoo, Miss Lewis.”

“We’ll be right there,” Darcy responded as she pulled out her map. “Or not,” she groaned, “The Children’s Zoo is all the way on the other side.”

“No problem,” Tony said, lowering his face mask, “I can have us there in no time.

Darcy squeaked and hit him on the arm with her clipboard (lightly, she didn’t have a death wish) as he grabbed her around the waist and flew up.

“Tony! Next time, _warn me!_ ” she said.

Tony chuckled as he asked, “Where to?”

Darcy consulted the map again and pointed in the right direction. “That way.”

True to his word, Tony had them there within a minute, earning points with Darcy when he landed far enough away from the birds that the peacock wouldn’t be startled. She really didn’t want the peacock to run off, causing them to start over again.

The zookeeper was standing off to the side, keeping an eye on the peacock and peahen as they slowly walked around the area; when they tried to leave, he herded them back together. The male didn’t have his tail feathers out, which kind of worried her.

“Let’s hope he’s willing to show off,” she said to Tony as she stepped away from him and smoothed down her dress. She was relieved to see the photographer was already there, having had the foresight to follow the zookeeper around as he looked for the birds.

Tony glanced down at his red and gold suit, and then looked back up at Darcy. “When he sees me, I’m pretty sure he’s going to want to try – _try_ , mind you – to impress the female.”

Darcy rolled her eyes as she prodded Tony forward.

Luckily, the peacock was sufficiently challenged by the shine of Tony’s suit to want to impress the peahen, and spread out his tail feathers. The photographer oohed and aahed over the combination of the beautiful bird and Tony Stark in his Iron Man suit as he took pictures, which stroked Tony’s ego and ensured the photo shoot finished without any problems.

“One down, six more to go,” Darcy muttered to herself as she checked the map for her next location, the African Plains exhibit.

“Hey Tony,” she called as the photographer took the final photo, “Can I get another ride?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up, Thor!


	3. The Heart of a Lion (Thor)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor - Lion.

“Put me down over there,” Darcy said as Tony flew near the African Plains exhibit. She knew Thor was waiting for her, but she needed to take care of something else first.

Tony put her down, then went to fly away again so he could change into his tuxedo and rejoin the party.

“Wait, Tony,” Darcy said, grabbing his arm before he could get too high. “I need a favor.”

“As long as it doesn’t involve giving you rides all night – maybe you should lay off the puddings,” Tony said as he landed, a teasing glint in his eyes.

Darcy glared at him for a second, then answered, “No.”

She lowered her voice enough to where Tony had to lean forward to hear her and continued, “I need you to find Loki and distract him for half an hour.”

Tony’s eyes lit up at the prospect of annoying – that is, distracting – Loki, but he still asked, “Why?”

Darcy gestured towards the exhibit entrance, where Thor, clad in full armor sans helmet, stood with a photographer.

“Thor is going to be taking his shots with a lion. I have some interesting scenarios in mind, and while Thor and Loki have been getting along lately, I don’t want to tempt fate. Who knows what kind of mischief Loki would get up to,” she said.

Tony grinned. “This should be fun.”

“Don’t damage anyone or anything, Tony!” Darcy shouted as he flew up and away.

Tony gave her a jaunty wave in return, which didn’t exactly reassure her, but it would have to do.

She turned and walked towards the exhibit. Thor walked up and hugged Darcy when he saw her, exclaiming, “Lady Darcy!”

“Good to see you, too, big guy,” Darcy answered (even though it had only been an hour since they last saw each other), then said, “Can’t…breathe…” as she pushed against his chest.

“Sorry,” Thor said sheepishly as he released her.

Darcy laughed (once she could breathe again), then said, “No problem.”

“The zookeeper is waiting for us,” the photographer said as he pointed towards the waiting Jeep Wrangler.

“Let’s go then,” Darcy answered as she herded Thor towards the vehicle.

The African Plains exhibit was an open design, but each animal still had a private enclosure where they could rest from the elements or receive veterinary care. Darcy’s group was headed towards the lion enclosure, where another zookeeper was waiting.

The trip would take a few minutes on the path around the exhibit, so Darcy turned on the reading light and perused her list, checking her watch to make sure they were on schedule.

She was interrupted by Thor, who had put his smartphone (when did Thor get a smartphone?) in front of her face, a picture of a lion open in the web browser.

“I have been looking up information on these ‘lions’”, Thor said, “I agree that the lion was a most excellent choice. It is said they are known as the ‘king of the jungle’”.

“Yup,” Darcy answered as they pulled up in front of the enclosure, “They’re also big, blond, and have majestic hair, just like you.”

“I do have majestic hair, don’t I,” Thor said, grinning as he swept said majestic hair over his shoulders.

Darcy rolled her eyes (she had a feeling she would be doing a lot of that tonight).

She took Thor’s phone from him as they stepped out of the vehicle, pulling up a picture in the browser of a peacock with its feathers spread and chest puffed out. She showed it to Thor and said, “Tony’s animal was a peacock, which is a showy bird…he wasn’t as happy with my choice.”

Thor gave a booming laugh as he took the phone back and put it somewhere in his armor (his armor had pockets?).

Darcy looked around for Loki and breathed a sigh of relief when she didn’t see him – whatever Tony was doing to distract him must be working. Just because she didn’t see him, though, didn’t mean he wasn’t there…

The lion was laying quietly next to its tamer, blinking its big golden eyes as it looked at the other people in the enclosure. Darcy had purposely chosen this lion; it had been bought from a circus when the circus went bankrupt, so it had performed various tricks in the past that were perfect for the photo shoot. The zookeeper that was waiting for them had also been the tamer that worked with him at the circus.

Darcy gave the photographer (who was looking slightly nervous as being near an unrestrained lion) a moment to set up. She wasn’t afraid of the lion – she knew that Thor would step in and protect them at the first sign of aggression from the big cat.

She watched as Thor and the lion appraised each other. They engaged in a staring contest for a moment, but then the lion seemed to recognize Thor as a higher form of predator, ducking its head towards the ground in submission. Thor stepped forward and ran his hand over the lion’s head – to Darcy’s surprise the lion shoved its head into Thor’s hand and started…purring.

“Let’s do the head shot first,” she instructed the tamer, who nodded. Thor reluctantly stopped petting the big cat and walked over to Darcy.

“You remember what we discussed?” Darcy said as she handed Thor his helmet, “Put your head in the lion’s mouth, smile, take some pictures, and then get out of there.”

Thor nodded and moved back towards the lion, which opened his jaw as the tamer gave a command. Thor stuck his head in the lion’s jaws and smiled as the photographer took pictures.

“Please don’t let Loki show up, please don’t let Loki show up,” Darcy muttered underneath her breath. She was afraid Loki wouldn’t be able to miss the opportunity to somehow make the lion close its mouth. If the lion closed its mouth while Thor’s head was still in it Thor wouldn’t be seriously hurt since he was wearing his helmet, but it would still be painful.

Her luck held, however; Loki didn’t show up, and the photo shoot was uneventful.

When the photographer got all of the shots he needed he packed up his gear, and then he and Darcy got back into the vehicle with the other zookeeper to go to the next photo shoot.

Thor, who had bonded with the lion, stayed behind – the last thing Darcy saw was him wrestling with the lion on the ground, the lion alternately mock growling and licking whatever part of Thor he could reach. She shook her head and smiled fondly.

“Do you smell smoke?” the zookeeper asked as they left the African Plains exhibit and drove towards the Birds of Prey exhibit.

“Maybe,” Darcy said as she sniffed the air. She looked around and couldn’t see the source of the smoke, and didn’t hear any alarms going off, though, so she shrugged and tried to ignore the little voice in her head that wondered exactly _how_ Tony had distracted Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter - Steve Rogers
> 
> At some point, I will be writing a side-shot of how Tony distracted Loki, which will include why it smelled like smoke in the zoo. :)


	4. Bald is Beautiful (Steve Rogers)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve Rogers - Bald Eagle

The trainer was just bringing the Bald Eagle into the room when Darcy and the photographer entered the Birds of Prey exhibit. Steve stood off to one side, his hands on his belt as he waited.

“It’s beautiful,” Darcy said, “What’s its name?”

The trainer stroked the top of the bird’s head as he said, “She was born on Flag Day, so we named her Betsy, after Betsy Ross.”

Darcy’s heart melted as the bird arched into the trainer’s touch. She moved closer, but drew back when the bird turned its head towards her, a fierce look in her golden eyes.

“Sorry, Miss Lewis. Betsy doesn’t like strangers,” the trainer said, looking slightly embarrassed as he continued, “I should have told you this before, but I’m actually not sure she’s going to cooperate for this photo shoot.”

Darcy shrugged - if Betsy wouldn’t pose with Steve, there wasn’t much she could do about it.

“Ready, Steve?” she asked.

Steve nodded and moved forward into the eagle’s sight.

The bird’s eyes lit up when she saw Steve. She opened her beak and emitted a single, soft, high-pitched note as she began to shift from foot to foot, edging closer to him.

The trainer raised an eyebrow at Betsy as he explained, “Huh. I’ve never seen her react to a person like that before – the sound she just made signals her readiness for mating.”

Darcy laughed as she said, “Steve has that effect on women. It’s the costume.”

The trainer chuckled as Steve rolled his eyes.

“You’ve already got leather protecting your arms, so I won’t have you wear any further protection,” the trainer said to Steve, “Hold out your arm, and let’s see if she’ll go to you.”

Steve reached out his arm and the eagle didn’t even hesitate, immediately stepping over. She gazed at him adoringly, shoving her head under his chin so he would scratch it.

There was something amusing about watching a Bald Eagle, a symbol of freedom second only to the stars and stripes itself, fangirl over Captain America.

“What scenarios did you have in mind, Miss Lewis, or do you care?” the photographer asked her.

“Can we get her to fist bump him, like the Bald Eagle in the Stephen Colbert pistachio commercials?” Darcy asked, even though she knew that the bird in the commercial wasn’t real. Steve gave her a blank look – apparently he didn’t get that reference.

“Umm, no, they don’t do that in real life,” the trainer answered, laughing.

Darcy sighed dramatically as she said, “Well, then, I guess I don’t have a preference.”

Betsy was a dream during the photo shoot, posing any way the trainer and Steve directed her. She even let them capture a picture of her with her wings spread, which forced Steve to fully extend his arm so he could still fit into the shot.

“I think that’s enough,” she said after half an hour, “I have to go meet Clint – he’s in the same building, but knowing him, I will have to find him first.”

“I think I’ll stay here a little longer, if that’s okay?” Steve asked, looking to the trainer for approval.

The trainer smiled and nodded as he answered, “Not a problem. It’s nice to see her so friendly – in fact, I’d like to talk to you about setting up a program where you come spend time with Betsy and speak to people about Bald Eagles. I think that would be a big draw for the exhibit.”

Betsy whistled in approval, stepping up to Steve’s shoulder – Steve winced slightly as her talons pierced his costume – and engulfing him with her wings in a semblance of a hug.

Darcy grinned at them as she said, “Don’t keep her out too late, Steve. It’s a school night.”

Steve rolled his eyes at her again as he tried to get the Bald Eagle to let him go and move back down his arm.

“I’ll see you by the hawks,” Darcy said to the photographer, who had luckily managed to get a shot of the hug before he finished packing away his equipment.

“Now, if I were Clint Barton, where would I be?” Darcy said to herself as she walked out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Facts about Bald Eagles (including the call of the female eagle - she really liked Steve): http://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/bald_eagle/sounds.
> 
> Link to story about Jeff Guidry and the Bald Eagle that he helped save, and that he said saved him (this is where I got the part about the eagle giving Steve a hug, and there was a picture in another article of the eagle putting its head under the trainer's chin): http://www.guideposts.org/angels/jeff-guidry-describes-miracle-between-him-and-eagle-freedom?page=0,0. The picture is in http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/freedom.asp.
> 
> Next chapter - Clint Barton.


	5. Gesundheit (Clint Barton)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint Barton - Hawks (no specific kind)

Darcy was walking down the hall towards the Hawk Aviary when she stopped short. The photographer – she should probably learn his name at some point – caught up with her as well, and they both stood there, listening.

It sounded like the entire zoo was contained in the Hawk Aviary. She could hear birds screaming and screeching, people shouting, and above it all, one constant noise – someone sneezing their head off.

The door to the Hawk Aviary opened and Clint Barton rushed out, slamming the door behind him, which only served to make the birds screech louder. He leaned against the wall, trying to stop sneezing.

“Clint!” Darcy said, rushing up to him, “Are you okay?”

The archer glared balefully at Darcy. He finally stopped sneezing, but he was trying to catch his breath, he was deathly pale, and his eyes were red.

“Okay, stupid question,” Darcy said.

She offered Clint a shoulder to lean on and helped him over to a nearby bench. The photographer ran up with a glass of water, which Clint gratefully accepted as he sank down onto the bench. After he drank the water he closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall.

Darcy sat next to him and waited while the photographer stood by, fiddling with his equipment.

“Hawks, Darcy?” Clint finally asked.

“Well, your name _is_ Hawkeye,” Darcy said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I don’t even _like_ hawks,” Clint groused. “I’m allergic to birds. I only use the moniker of Hawkeye because hawks have incredibly sharp eyes, and so do I.”

Color was finally returning to his cheeks, and he was breathing normally.

“Why did you agree to the shoot if you knew that?” Darcy asked.

“I took allergy meds, so I thought I could make it for a few minutes – apparently I was wrong, because this was the worse reaction I’ve ever had,” Clint said, standing up.

Darcy noted that he had some feathers still stuck in his hair and on his costume. She raised an eyebrow questioningly as she stepped in front of him and began to pull the feathers off.

“Don’t ask,” he mumbled.

Clint stiffened as Darcy pulled the last feather out of his hair, looking at a point over Darcy’s shoulder.

“Perhaps I can help,” Loki drawled, “Unless I’m interrupting something?”

Darcy sighed and turned around, holding the handful of feathers out to him.

“Clean-up,” she answered.

Loki just smirked at her before turning his attention back to Clint.

“A simple spell and your allergies can be temporarily stopped,” he said.

Darcy narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. She wasn’t entirely convinced that Loki wasn’t responsible for this entire situation…after all, Clint _had_ said he didn’t think he was that allergic.

She looked down at the feathers in her hand and moved them around a little, noting a small amount of brown powder underneath. She scraped a little bit of the powder onto her other wrist, then put the pile of feathers down on the bench. Her suspicions were confirmed when she brought the wrist with the powder up to her nose and subsequently sneezed so hard her ears popped.

That little shit. He had somehow gotten sneezing powder into Clint’s hair and/or on his costume. She could feel Clint looking at her, so she said “I guess I’m a little allergic to birds, too,” never taking her eyes off of Loki’s.

Loki just stood there, the picture of innocence, as he waited for Clint’s answer.

Predictably, Clint was pissed. He and Loki had reached an uneasy accord since the events of two years ago, but that certainly didn’t mean he trusted him.

“I would rather –“ Clint began, but he was interrupted by Natasha, who had just walked in.

“Is everything alright? I heard there was a ruckus in the Birds of Prey area,” she said.

Darcy glared at Loki – now she _knew_ he was involved, because there was no way Natasha would know about the events in the Hawk Aviary, since only Darcy, the photographer, the zookeeper, and of course, Clint, knew what was going on – and none of them had left the building.

Clint groaned behind her, stuck between a rock and a hard place. There was no way in hell he wanted Loki to cast a spell on him, but he also didn’t want Natasha to see him as weak – at least not over _birds_.

He gave Loki a curt nod before turning to Natasha and reassuring her, “Everything’s fine, Tasha – there was just a mix-up with the zookeeper.”

Natasha looked skeptical, but didn’t say anything further.

Darcy knew the spell had worked when Clint’s shoulders straightened slightly and he took a deep breath.

“Ready?” Darcy asked.

Clint nodded, and they all stepped into the Aviary, Loki and Natasha hanging out by the door while the rest of the group moved over to the zookeeper. Darcy had to do some damage control, but was eventually able to get the zookeeper to bring out a few hawks. The rest of the photo shoot went smoothly, Clint not sneezing or scaring off the birds once.

Once she was sure everything was going to be okay, Darcy told the photographer they were running ahead of schedule, even with the mix-up, and that she would meet him at the Wild Asia exhibit for the next photo shoot.

She walked up to Loki, who was still standing there with that infernal smirk on his face, and gestured towards the door.

“After you,” she said, giving him the death glare when it looked like he was going to argue.

He gave a long-suffering sigh, then followed her out the door. Darcy could hear Natasha snickering in the background, and knew that Loki would never hear the end of letting a mortal boss him around.

“Serves you right,” she muttered underneath her breath.


	6. A Good Strong Hug (Bruce Banner)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce Banner - Elephant.

_I have learned that there is more power in a good strong hug than in a thousand meaningful words. - Ann Hood_

“What did you say?” Loki asked sharply.

“Nothing,” Darcy said as she led him out of the building.

She waited until they were outside and a safe distance from the building before she finally turned and spoke to him.

“What the hell, Loki? What were you thinking?” she said, jabbing him in the chest with her clipboard.

She didn’t give him a chance to respond, continuing, “Do you know how hard I worked to put this together? The lengths I’ve gone to in order to make sure this goes off without a hitch? You have to ruin it with your stupid tricks??”

“I’m tired, hungry, and my feet hurt – all I want to do is get through these photoshoots, go home, and take a long bath,” she finally finished. She could feel tears forming at the corners of her eyes, and angrily wiped them before they could fall. She had a feeling she was slightly over-reacting, but she didn’t really care at this point.

Loki pulled her into his arms and hugged her. Darcy resisted at first, but then relaxed, resting her head on his chest. You wouldn’t know it from his demeanor, but the God of Mischief was surprisingly good at hugs.

He rested his head on the top of hers as he said, “I meant no harm, love. I was robbed of my chance to bother Thor,” Darcy laughed at that, “so I chose to play a trick on Barton. I did not mean to cause you distress.”

“I know,” Darcy said, calming down a little. She hugged him for a moment longer before stepping back.

Loki waved his hand, and a can of Diet Coke and a Hershey’s bar appeared in his hands.

“Oh my god, have I told you lately that I love you?” Darcy asked, grabbing both.

“You’re welcome,” Loki said magnanimously. Darcy rolled her eyes.

When she was done with her treats, she looked at her watch.

“Crap! I have to go!” she said, shoving the empty can and wrapper into Loki’s hands, ignoring his look of distaste.

As she turned to leave, Loki made the trash disappear and held out his hand.

“Allow me,” he said, “It’s the least I can do.”

Darcy bit her lip, debating – she always felt a little sick after teleporting, and she had just eaten. He really was the best option, though, so she stepped back into his arms and closed her eyes. She felt a shift, and when she finally opened her eyes again, they were in front of the Wild Asia exhibit.

She waited a few seconds for her stomach to calm, then moved away. She pointed her clipboard at Loki, earning herself an imperiously raised eyebrow as she said, “Behave. I don’t want to see you again until it’s your own turn, understand? This is Bruce, then I have Natasha, and then you.”

It might have been her imagination, but she thought Loki looked a little pale at the mention of Bruce’s name, more than two years after the invasion.

He bowed at the waist and said “Until later, then,” before disappearing in a flash of green light. 

Darcy shook her head as she walked into the Wild Asia exhibit, heading towards the elephant paddock.  What a show-off.

She hadn’t been sure what animal to pair Bruce with, so she had the left the choice up to him. At first, he wasn’t even going to come, but with some persuasion from herself and Tony (begging and the promise of new lab equipment may or may not have been involved), he reluctantly agreed.

He had emailed her a couple of days ago, having settled on elephants (why, she didn’t know), so she had made the necessary arrangements.

When she walked in, Bruce was standing in the elephant paddock, a baby elephant at his side, the mother watching them from a distance. He was rubbing the baby's side as it dug through his pockets, searching for treats.

The photographer was preparing to take his first picture. She put a hand on his arm, stopping him, and walked toward Bruce.

The baby elephant moved over to Darcy as she approached. She giggled as he sniffed her, still searching for treats. She grabbed a handful of grass and offered it to him, stroking his trunk as he chewed happily.

She looked at Bruce over the elephant’s head and was taken aback by the sadness in his eyes as he watched them.

“Bruce?” she asked, “Are you alright? You don’t have to do this, you know.”

Bruce sighed as he walked over.

“Do you know why I picked an elephant?” he asked.

“No,” Darcy answered.

He was silent for a few seconds.

“Everyone always refers to me as “the elephant in the room” because they don’t want to talk about the other guy, they think it will upset me. I felt having my photo taken with an elephant was appropriate.”

Darcy was at a loss for words. She had a feeling that this was a side of Bruce that no one, except perhaps Tony, ever saw.  

She stepped forward and gripped his hand; after the initial surprise, he squeezed her hand back. They stood there for a moment in companionable silence as she waited patiently for him to either continue, or signal for the shoot to begin.

The baby elephant got bored and moved to the edge of the paddock, where he began to push around a ball.

After a moment, Bruce took a deep breath and let go of her hand.

“I’m ready,” he said, smiling slightly, as if the last few minutes had never happened.

Darcy looked at him, trying to figure out if he was truly okay, before nodding and turning back to the photographer.

The zookeeper coaxed the baby elephant back to Bruce. As the photographer moved around, trying to catch the best shots, she stood back and watched as Bruce petted the baby elephant, gave it treats, and tossed the ball to him.

When the photographer finally signaled he had enough shots, Darcy stepped forward.

“We got what we needed,” she said, “We’ll see you later, Bruce?”

Bruce nodded as the baby elephant trumpeted happily. He continued to play with the baby as Darcy helped the photographer pack up his equipment, waving to her as they left.

Darcy and the photographer were a few steps away from the paddock when she heard an unexpected sound…Bruce _laughing_.

She turned around to see what had made him so happy, grinning as she saw that the elephant’s mother had come up behind Bruce and wrapped its trunk around him, giving him a hug; he squirmed, half-heartedly trying to get away, but she only held on tighter.

Bruce was not only laughing, he was smiling, and looked more relaxed than she had ever seen him.

The photographer moved to grab a camera out of his pocket, and she put a hand out, stopping him.

“No pictures,” she said, "Let him have this moment."

Good strong hugs were the best kind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a difficult chapter to write - I was going to leave Bruce out, but that didn't feel right. It took me some time to come up with an animal for him until I saw something on Tumblr (I don't remember what) about him and "The elephant in the room". 
> 
> In the next chapter, we find out what it takes to creep out a master assassin.


	7. Don't Touch Me (Natasha Romanov)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha - Black Spider Monkey.

Darcy rubbed her eyes and sighed. The last photo shoot had been emotionally exhausting, and she was just ready for this evening to be over. Luckily, she only had two Avengers left, Natasha and last, but not least, Loki.

“You okay, Miss Lewis?” the photographer asked as he opened the door to the Monkey House for her.

“I’m just tired, that’s all…it’s been a long night,” Darcy answered.

“Miss Lewis!!” 

A harried zookeeper, now a familiar sight, rushed down the hallway towards them.

“What now…” Darcy muttered under her breath.

‘What’s wrong?” she asked, touching the zookeeper on the arm as she tried to calm him down.

“It’s the Black Widow…she’s refusing to enter the exhibit,” he said, “She’s quite…adamant about it.”

“Take a deep breath,” Darcy said.

When the zookeeper finally began to breathe normally, she asked, “Where is she?”

The zookeeper pointed down the hallway.

“Go to the end of the hallway and turn right – the exhibit will be on your left.”

“Stay here,” Darcy told the photographer and the zookeeper, “I’ll let you know when to come back.”

* * *

 

 Natasha was leaning against the wall outside the Spider Monkey exhibit, clad in her SHIELD uniform and examining a wicked looking dagger, turning it this way and that so it gleamed in the fluorescent lights.

No wonder the zookeeper had been terrified, Darcy thought. How the heck did she get that knife past security? Where did she even keep knives in that skin-tight uniform?

“Hey, Natasha,” Darcy said as she leaned against the opposite wall.

“Darcy,” Natasha said coolly, not looking up.

“Nice knife…I don’t suppose you would put it away?” Darcy asked, “I don’t think there are any assassins lurking in the Monkey House.”

Natasha met Darcy’s eyes for a moment before she finally shrugged and put the knife away in a hidden pocket of her suit.

Darcy breathed easier once she knew Natasha wasn’t going to get stabby.

“So...what’s the problem?” she asked as she noticed for the first time how tense the assassin was.

“I don’t like monkeys. Pick another animal.” Natasha answered, crossing her arms, “I’m the Black Widow, not the Black Spider Monkey.”

“Umm…it wasn’t really practical to do a photo shoot with an actual Black Widow spider,” Darcy explained, “As you’re well aware, not only are they poisonous, they are a little too small to pose with.”

“The Black Spider Monkey was the next best thing…it’s black with a red face, just like the black and red spider.”

“Natasha thinks monkeys are creepy,” a voice said in her ear, “They scare her.”

Darcy looked to her left and gave a little shriek when she saw Clint Barton standing next to her, his eyes on Natasha.

Darcy smacked Clint on the arm as she exclaimed, “Stop DOING that! Where did you come from?”

Clint looked at her, his expression innocent. Darcy narrowed her eyes at him.

“I.am.not.afraid.of.monkeys.” Natasha bit out, clenching her fists as she glared at the archer.

“Prove it,” Clint taunted, sticking his tongue out.

“Traumatic monkey incident,” he whispered to Darcy.

A knife – the same one from earlier – whizzed past Darcy, burying itself in the wall next to his head.

Clint didn’t even flinch.

“Missed me,” he said.

Natasha was reaching into her suit for another knife when Darcy intervened, praying she wouldn’t die.

“Whoa there,” she said, putting herself in front of Clint, “Let’s just calm down, okay? I’ll go get the photographer and the zookeeper, then we’ll get this over with. I promise the two of you can kill each other afterwards. Okay?”

“Oh, and Clint will keep his mouth shut in the meantime,” she said, looking over her shoulder.

Clint pantomimed zipping his mouth shut.

Darcy rolled her eyes before turning back to Natasha, who was once again leaning against the wall, her expression neutral.

“Fine…but I’m not touching them,” she said.

Darcy grabbed Clint’s arm and pulled him towards the end of the hallway.

“What was that about?” she hissed angrily.

“Payback for the hawks,” he said sotto voice.

“I heard that,” Natasha said.

* * *

 

The photo shoot was interesting, to say the least.

First, it took a while to get the monkeys to come down from the trees…second, one of the monkeys remained in the trees, flinging poop at the photographer and zookeeper – blessedly missing Natasha.

Natasha posed gingerly on a stone ledge and did her best to maintain her composure as the monkeys stared at her.

One of the monkeys jumped onto Natasha’s lap and touched her face…she froze. A second monkey took advantage of the distraction and came up behind her, cleaning her hair.

If looks could kill, Darcy would be dead (Clint had disappeared the minute Natasha stepped into the Spider Monkey exhibit, muttering something about needing to find a place to hide). Darcy, on the other hand, had to suppress a smile - there was more than a little humor to be found in the fact that one of the world’s deadliest assassins was afraid of monkeys.

Finally – it had only been a few minutes, but it seemed like hours – the photographer indicated he had enough pictures. The zookeeper managed to get the monkeys away from Natasha, who promptly stood up and stalked out of the door, Russian curse words (Darcy assumed, she couldn’t speak Russian) spilling from her lips and a murderous expression on her face.

Darcy breathed a sigh of relief as she gathered her things. She stopped for a moment to speak to the photographer, who got on his phone and called his assistant to let him know he needed to bring Loki to the Polar Bear exhibit.

Loki should be a piece of cake compared to everyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose a black spider monkey (thanks for the idea MistressofMischief!) because a black widow spider, as I said in the story, didn't really work - too small for pictures! 
> 
> I also did some research, and while Spider Monkeys don't normally clean each other, they have been known to do it.
> 
> I saved the best for last...next chapter is Loki!


	8. You Chose Wrong, Mortal (Loki)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki doesn't approve of Darcy's choice, so he makes his own.

Darcy couldn’t find Loki anywhere, and she was starting to get more frustrated by the second. His photo shoot should have been simple. She had chosen the Polar Bear for him, both because they were considered the King of the Arctic (and Loki had always wanted to be a king) and because she was still trying to get Loki more comfortable with his Frost Giant side. Not that he would do the photo shoot as a Frost Giant – he would rather be skinned alive – but perhaps he would realize that all things cold weren’t monsters.

Darcy walked into the Zoo Center, hoping that Loki was there, but knowing it was probably futile.

“Tony, Steve, Bruce, Clint, Natasha, Thor…” She gritted her teeth. No Loki.

“Darcy! Come join us!” Tony shouted, his words slightly slurred.  Clint, Natasha, and Thor were standing in a loose group around him, while Steve and Bruce were standing in the corner, both looking like they wanted to go to bed.

Darcy walked over to the group and ignored Tony’s offer of a cocktail as she asked Thor, “Have you seen Loki?” When Thor shook his head, she asked the rest of the group, “Has _anyone_ seen Loki? It’s time for his photo shoot, but I can’t find him anywhere.”

“Last I saw him, he was going in the direction of the reptile exhibit,” Bruce answered.

“Do you want us to help you find him?” Clint asked, fingering his bow, which he had seemingly pulled out of nowhere. “Maybe he’s up to no good and I’ll have to shoot him.”

“Umm…no Clint, that’s okay,” Darcy answered, “I appreciated the offer, though…maybe next time,” she added when his face fell.

“The party will be wrapping up soon,” she said, gesturing at the thinning number of guests, “I’ll tell Happy to take you guys back to the tower and return the bus.”

“What about Loki?” Thor asked.

“It’s too late now to do a photo shoot, so I’ll just have to find him and hitch a ride back,” she answered.

“Steve, Bruce, make sure everyone gets on the bus and gets home, okay?” she asked, walking away once she received an affirmative.

She sent the photographer home, found the bus and gave Happy instructions, then squared her shoulders and took a deep breath before making her way towards the reptile exhibit. There was no way to predict what Loki was up to, so she mentally prepared herself for the worst case scenario (mass chaos, reptiles running wild, people screaming in terror).

“Please be in here,” she whispered to herself as she pushed open the door and stepped in. She waited a second for her eyes to adjust to the dim lighting, then moved forward in search of Loki.

“Loki?” she whispered (although why she was whispering, she had no idea). No answer. “Loki!” she said louder.

“Back here, Darcy,” she finally heard him answer.

She breathed a sigh of relief and walked around the corner, gasping in fright at the sight that greeted her.

Loki had removed the zoo’s King Cobra from its cage and was _cuddling_ it. The snake was draped around his neck and was flicking its tongue contentedly as Loki stroked it under its chin (or what she assumed was its chin, did snakes even have chins?). When they heard Darcy’s gasp, they both looked at her, as if to say, “Can’t you see we’re having a moment?”

“Loki.what.are.you.doing.” Darcy said, pressing herself against the wall.

Loki unwrapped the snake from his neck and held it up facing her (as if she hadn’t already seen it).

“THIS is what I should have taken a picture with,” Loki said, glaring at her, “NOT a polar bear.”

“After all,” he continued, turning the snake towards him and gazing at it with admiration, “We were both meant to be kings.”

Darcy struggled to get her breathing under control. Of all the guys she could have fallen in love with, she had to pick the egomaniac with an affinity for deadly snakes…

“Well, it’s too late for your photo shoot now, but I’ll keep that in mind for the next time,” she said, “Now, can we put the poisonous snake back and GO HOME?” Her voice raised a little as she finished.

“I’m crushed that I can’t do the photo shoot,” Loki answered, sighing with mock disappointment.

He looked at her, his eyes filled with mischief.

“Are you sure we can’t take him home? After all, you are always talking about how much you want a pet,” he said, grinning.

“No!” Darcy exclaimed. “Pets are cats, or dogs, maybe even rabbits, but not…that!!” she gestured to the snake.

“She doesn’t mean it,” Loki assured the snake, which had moved its head towards Darcy and was flicking its tongue quicker in agitation, the sides of its head starting to flare.

Darcy made a noncommittal noise, then slowly relaxed as the snake disappeared from Loki’s hands and was once again back behind the glass where it belonged (in Darcy’s opinion). She could swear it almost looked…sad as it curled up in front of the glass.

Loki walked towards her and kissed her lightly.

“Sorry,” he said (even though she could tell he didn’t mean it), “I read the zoo had a ‘King Cobra’, and wanted to see it. I thought I’d be done before the bus left, but I must have lost track of time."

"I suppose we have to find our own way back?” he asked, opening his arms.

Darcy sighed as she stepped into his embrace, wrapping her arms around him. “You're incorrigible."

“That's why you love me,” Loki said, smirking.

Darcy closed her eyes as his arms tightened around her and she felt the familiar tug that meant they were teleporting. When she opened them again, they were safely in her apartment.

“I love you too," she said before pulling him into another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter...this was a lot of fun to write, thanks for the kudos and comments!


End file.
